Thursday, July 31, 2008
Semenax - Ejaculation and Male Potency
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4 Powerful Steps to Gaining Confidence with Women
Dating is a source of recreation, and it is important to always keeping mind that it is also another way of getting to know and meet more people. This will make it less intimidating in going up to a woman and talking to her, if you tell yourself that it is pretty much the same as initiating a conversation with a stranger: scary, but not extremely so.
Men all over the world try endlessly to strike upon the right technique or pick up line, all to secure that first date, and then the subsequent and elusive second date. No technique or pick up line is going to work for you, if you lack self confidence. Women look for a man with value, who can contribute to a relationship. If you lack confidence, however, fret not. Below are 4 powerful steps to gaining confidence with women.
Step 1: Online Dating
Yes, laugh if you want. It is a fallacy that online dating is only for the old or the desperate, but this is not true. It is a great meeting ground for getting to know other people first, before deciding if it is someone you would like to meet in real life. It also gives you the opportunity to let the real you shine through, especially if you tend to seize up upon being in the presence of women. This should give you an indication of what dating is like face to face, it should be about getting to know the other person better, and not about using techniques to secure a second date.
Step 2: Your Personality
No one likes to hear someone spend the entire evening whining about the bitch at work, or how they deserved a promotion more than so-and-so. Similarly, keep the negativity away from your date: it is a sure conversation killer, and you can be assured that your date will never want to see you again. Be positive, and allow your personality to shine through. That is the major determinant on whether you will make it to a second date. Being positive and smiling will also help you to act more confident than you actually are, and confidence is a big draw for women.
Step 3: Location
Suggest a neutral location that your date will feel comfortable in. Pick somewhere central with people, so that she does not feel intimidated or threatened. However, do not go overboard and pick an overly crowded location. This will limit the conversation and the noise levels and crowd will reduce the interaction and opportunities for you to get to know each other. Plan out an activity that you think she will enjoy, such as going to the drive-in movies, or a board game café where you can spend quality time with privacy for conversation, without it being too threatening for her.
Step 4: The Bill
Always pay for the bill. Going Dutch is not an option on the first date, simply because manners dictate that the guy should pay for the dinner, or the movies. Paying for the bill without hesitation will also make your date feel like she is being treated like a princess, and that you value her company. It is also a subtle signal that you are a stable person who is capable of treating a woman right.
Follow these 4 simple steps to gaining confidence with women. Remember, it is not about tricks and techniques, it is about holding your nervousness at bay to allow the real you to establish a connection or rapport with your date.
Men all over the world try endlessly to strike upon the right technique or pick up line, all to secure that first date, and then the subsequent and elusive second date. No technique or pick up line is going to work for you, if you lack self confidence. Women look for a man with value, who can contribute to a relationship. If you lack confidence, however, fret not. Below are 4 powerful steps to gaining confidence with women.
Step 1: Online Dating
Yes, laugh if you want. It is a fallacy that online dating is only for the old or the desperate, but this is not true. It is a great meeting ground for getting to know other people first, before deciding if it is someone you would like to meet in real life. It also gives you the opportunity to let the real you shine through, especially if you tend to seize up upon being in the presence of women. This should give you an indication of what dating is like face to face, it should be about getting to know the other person better, and not about using techniques to secure a second date.
Step 2: Your Personality
No one likes to hear someone spend the entire evening whining about the bitch at work, or how they deserved a promotion more than so-and-so. Similarly, keep the negativity away from your date: it is a sure conversation killer, and you can be assured that your date will never want to see you again. Be positive, and allow your personality to shine through. That is the major determinant on whether you will make it to a second date. Being positive and smiling will also help you to act more confident than you actually are, and confidence is a big draw for women.
Step 3: Location
Suggest a neutral location that your date will feel comfortable in. Pick somewhere central with people, so that she does not feel intimidated or threatened. However, do not go overboard and pick an overly crowded location. This will limit the conversation and the noise levels and crowd will reduce the interaction and opportunities for you to get to know each other. Plan out an activity that you think she will enjoy, such as going to the drive-in movies, or a board game café where you can spend quality time with privacy for conversation, without it being too threatening for her.
Step 4: The Bill
Always pay for the bill. Going Dutch is not an option on the first date, simply because manners dictate that the guy should pay for the dinner, or the movies. Paying for the bill without hesitation will also make your date feel like she is being treated like a princess, and that you value her company. It is also a subtle signal that you are a stable person who is capable of treating a woman right.
Follow these 4 simple steps to gaining confidence with women. Remember, it is not about tricks and techniques, it is about holding your nervousness at bay to allow the real you to establish a connection or rapport with your date.
Self Defense For Women
Self Defense: A Necessity for Women
Whoever thought that the world would become a better place in due time and with technological advancements and modernization was wrong. The world is still as hostile a place, and the only thing that has changed is the weapons. Crime has become more sophisticated in nature but the sad part is that women are still considered as soft targets.
Crime on women has in fact, increased over the years in developed countries like the US and UK and across the world. Let us first take a look at the worldwide statistics for crime on women:
• 1 in every 3 women across the world has been subjugated to rape or sexual assault. (Data: 2001)
• In some developing countries, at least one-third of the adolescent girls have been forced into sexual initiation (Data: 2002)
• Sex crimes in South Africa take place every twenty seconds. (Data: 2000)
• Major incidents of rapes have been reported in 12 African provinces. The rate has increased considerably from 182 in 2001 to 270 in 2002.
• 14,000 of the 331,815 reported crimes committed against women in the Russian Federation were rapes.
• According to a survey in the United Kingdom it was found that 19.4 % of the women there have been victims of some kind of sexual violence. (Data: 2001)
• 40% of girls in South East Asia are being forced into prostitution as a means to feed their families.
Now let’s take a look at the US
• One of the startling facts is that 1 in 3 American women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
• 89% of sexual crimes have been committed by someone known to the victim.
• In 2002, there were 247,730 victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
• In 2005-2006, there were 232,010 victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
• Around 44% of rape victims are under age 18, while 80% are under age 30.
Sources (2005)
1. The World Bank. http://www.worldbank.org
2. “International Statistics.” http://www.sexualassault.virginia.edu/statistics_international.htm
3. United Nations Development Fund for Women. “Facts and Figures: Sexual Violence in Non-Conflict Situations.” http://www.unifem.org/campaigns/november25/facts_figures_3.php
4. The World Health Organization. “Sexual Violence Facts.” http://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention
5. United Nations Development Fund for Women. “Stop Violence against Women: Prevalence of Sexual Assault.” http://www.stopvaw.org/PrevalenceofSexualAssault.html or http://www.unifem.org
6. National Center for Victims of Crime (2004)
7. NSVRC. “Global perspectives on Sexual
In such an insecure world, it is far more difficult for a woman to survive as compared to their male counterpart. But all is not lost because there are several methods or weapons that a woman can use to thwart an assaulter. One of the most powerful and popular weapons is the pepper spray, which has a far-reaching effect. The motive behind using pepper sprays as opposed to lethal weapons like Guns is that pepper sprays or Tasers will not kill the assaulter or anyone trying to commit crime on a woman but at the same time, these weapons are extremely effective and can save a woman’s life and dignity.
The different types of crimes on women include:
• Carjacking
• Rape
• Murder & Theft
• Theft
• Sexual abuse
• Domestic violence
• Purse snatching
• Stalking
• Threats
• Property crimes
• Sexual harassment in the office
Of all these crimes, rape, sexual abuse, sexual harassment in office premises and stalking has a higher rate than other crimes. In such a crime, a woman can use a pepper spray, Taser or martial art techniques for self defense.
The Pepper Spray
The Pepper spray is also called an OC spray, where OC stands for Oleoresin Capsicum. It is basically a powerful lachrymatory agent, a chemical compound that can cause severe irritation in the eyes and ears and even lead to temporary blindness and severe pain. The pepper spray is used the world over by women to protect them against any anti-social element and have considerably brought down the number of sexual molestation and rape in many countries.
The Pepper spray can be used for various purposes like controlling a mob, controlling riot and even as a weapon of self-defense against animals like bears, wolves, and dogs. It is completely non-lethal although it can be deadly if not used in small quantities. In 1995, the American Civil Liberties Union had documented 14 cases of pepper spray use that turned fatal. If you spray an entire can of Pepper Spray into someone’s eyes then in all probability the subject will go permanently blind.
The primary ingredient in Pepper spray is called capsaicin. Capsaicin is a chemical compound that can be derived from the fruits of a special plant belonging to the Capsicum genus and chillies. There are several different types of Pepper spray in use like Mace Pepper Sprays, Wildfire Pepper Spray, Lipstick Pepper Spray, and a specific version called the PAVA Pepper Spray. The PAVA Pepper Spray has capsaicin, pelargonic acid vanillylamide or desmethyldihydrocapsaicin and it is extensively used in England. A synthetic counterpart of the pepper spray is called the pelargonic acid morpholide. This was developed in Russia and is widely used there.
Pepper sprays are available in canisters and are considered to be an inflammatory. The moment you use pepper spray on a subject, it will cause severe irritation in the eyes and closing of the eye. Some of the other symptoms include a running nose, difficulty in breathing, and coughing apart from the tears. The duration of a Pepper spray effect actually depends on the amount of spray you have used but on an average it can last from anywhere between thirty minutes to an hour.
Here are some important tips:
1. When you are carrying a can of pepper spray in your hand, your thumb should be on the top of your trigger.
2. If your attacker comes too close too you then back up a little so that you are in a better position to use the spray.
3. Use a good amount of spray so that the chilli pepper can do its job as quickly as possible.
4. While the attacker is in pain and temporarily blind, you should try to get out of there as fast as you can.
TASER C2
One of the best self-defense weapons is a stun gun like the Taser C2. There are several benefits of owning or using a Taser C2 stun gun. It is handy and can be carried just about anywhere. It can be hid in the purse as it is of the size of a TV remote and can be used anywhere, anytime. It can be easily found over the internet and costs around $300.
The Taser C2 delivers a charge or electric current the moment it comes into direct contact with the attacker or the subject in question. The Taser C2 has a range of 15 feet and it can pierce through 2 inches of clothing. The range will help any woman to prepare and defend herself well in advance.
The Taser C2 is an electronically controlled device or ECD. The cartridge consists of two electrodes, which are propelled through the air with the help of two wires and compressed nitrogen. The electrodes pierce through the clothing and stick to the skin. Electrical pulses are transmitted through the wires to the electrodes and into the body of the attacker. The effect is stunning and the attacker will go into a shock. The effect will last long enough for you to flee from there or call for law enforcement agents. The Taser C2 can be fired to anywhere on the body and is non-lethal hence can be used extensively by women to thwart any attack.
Martial Arts
The last line of defense is Martial Arts, which combined with any of the above can prove to be a lethal combination. Martial Arts are not for everyone not because the training is difficult but because it is time consuming too. Martial art is considered to be a lethal force and you might end up killing your attacker. There are different types of martial art forms that can be learnt quickly like Judo, Karate, Taekwondo, and Tai Chi. Karate and Taekwondo are by far the most popular forms and can also cause severe injury to the attacker.
There are certain parts of the human body, which are prone to severe injuries like the face, forehead, neck, abdomen, and groin. You can hit a man or your attacker in the groin and the nose for maximum impact. The strongest weapons of a woman’s body include the head, elbow, and knees. Martial art will teach you to use these body parts effectively to disable or wound your opponent temporarily. A hit with the elbow to the nose will not only stun them but also give you enough time to get away.
The only drawback of Martial arts is that it is effective only in close combat situations but if your subject is fleeing away or is at a distance then the Taser and the Pepper Spray can prove to be highly effective.
Whoever thought that the world would become a better place in due time and with technological advancements and modernization was wrong. The world is still as hostile a place, and the only thing that has changed is the weapons. Crime has become more sophisticated in nature but the sad part is that women are still considered as soft targets.
Crime on women has in fact, increased over the years in developed countries like the US and UK and across the world. Let us first take a look at the worldwide statistics for crime on women:
• 1 in every 3 women across the world has been subjugated to rape or sexual assault. (Data: 2001)
• In some developing countries, at least one-third of the adolescent girls have been forced into sexual initiation (Data: 2002)
• Sex crimes in South Africa take place every twenty seconds. (Data: 2000)
• Major incidents of rapes have been reported in 12 African provinces. The rate has increased considerably from 182 in 2001 to 270 in 2002.
• 14,000 of the 331,815 reported crimes committed against women in the Russian Federation were rapes.
• According to a survey in the United Kingdom it was found that 19.4 % of the women there have been victims of some kind of sexual violence. (Data: 2001)
• 40% of girls in South East Asia are being forced into prostitution as a means to feed their families.
Now let’s take a look at the US
• One of the startling facts is that 1 in 3 American women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
• 89% of sexual crimes have been committed by someone known to the victim.
• In 2002, there were 247,730 victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
• In 2005-2006, there were 232,010 victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
• Around 44% of rape victims are under age 18, while 80% are under age 30.
Sources (2005)
1. The World Bank. http://www.worldbank.org
2. “International Statistics.” http://www.sexualassault.virginia.edu/statistics_international.htm
3. United Nations Development Fund for Women. “Facts and Figures: Sexual Violence in Non-Conflict Situations.” http://www.unifem.org/campaigns/november25/facts_figures_3.php
4. The World Health Organization. “Sexual Violence Facts.” http://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention
5. United Nations Development Fund for Women. “Stop Violence against Women: Prevalence of Sexual Assault.” http://www.stopvaw.org/PrevalenceofSexualAssault.html or http://www.unifem.org
6. National Center for Victims of Crime (2004)
7. NSVRC. “Global perspectives on Sexual
In such an insecure world, it is far more difficult for a woman to survive as compared to their male counterpart. But all is not lost because there are several methods or weapons that a woman can use to thwart an assaulter. One of the most powerful and popular weapons is the pepper spray, which has a far-reaching effect. The motive behind using pepper sprays as opposed to lethal weapons like Guns is that pepper sprays or Tasers will not kill the assaulter or anyone trying to commit crime on a woman but at the same time, these weapons are extremely effective and can save a woman’s life and dignity.
The different types of crimes on women include:
• Carjacking
• Rape
• Murder & Theft
• Theft
• Sexual abuse
• Domestic violence
• Purse snatching
• Stalking
• Threats
• Property crimes
• Sexual harassment in the office
Of all these crimes, rape, sexual abuse, sexual harassment in office premises and stalking has a higher rate than other crimes. In such a crime, a woman can use a pepper spray, Taser or martial art techniques for self defense.
The Pepper Spray
The Pepper spray is also called an OC spray, where OC stands for Oleoresin Capsicum. It is basically a powerful lachrymatory agent, a chemical compound that can cause severe irritation in the eyes and ears and even lead to temporary blindness and severe pain. The pepper spray is used the world over by women to protect them against any anti-social element and have considerably brought down the number of sexual molestation and rape in many countries.
The Pepper spray can be used for various purposes like controlling a mob, controlling riot and even as a weapon of self-defense against animals like bears, wolves, and dogs. It is completely non-lethal although it can be deadly if not used in small quantities. In 1995, the American Civil Liberties Union had documented 14 cases of pepper spray use that turned fatal. If you spray an entire can of Pepper Spray into someone’s eyes then in all probability the subject will go permanently blind.
The primary ingredient in Pepper spray is called capsaicin. Capsaicin is a chemical compound that can be derived from the fruits of a special plant belonging to the Capsicum genus and chillies. There are several different types of Pepper spray in use like Mace Pepper Sprays, Wildfire Pepper Spray, Lipstick Pepper Spray, and a specific version called the PAVA Pepper Spray. The PAVA Pepper Spray has capsaicin, pelargonic acid vanillylamide or desmethyldihydrocapsaicin and it is extensively used in England. A synthetic counterpart of the pepper spray is called the pelargonic acid morpholide. This was developed in Russia and is widely used there.
Pepper sprays are available in canisters and are considered to be an inflammatory. The moment you use pepper spray on a subject, it will cause severe irritation in the eyes and closing of the eye. Some of the other symptoms include a running nose, difficulty in breathing, and coughing apart from the tears. The duration of a Pepper spray effect actually depends on the amount of spray you have used but on an average it can last from anywhere between thirty minutes to an hour.
Here are some important tips:
1. When you are carrying a can of pepper spray in your hand, your thumb should be on the top of your trigger.
2. If your attacker comes too close too you then back up a little so that you are in a better position to use the spray.
3. Use a good amount of spray so that the chilli pepper can do its job as quickly as possible.
4. While the attacker is in pain and temporarily blind, you should try to get out of there as fast as you can.
TASER C2
One of the best self-defense weapons is a stun gun like the Taser C2. There are several benefits of owning or using a Taser C2 stun gun. It is handy and can be carried just about anywhere. It can be hid in the purse as it is of the size of a TV remote and can be used anywhere, anytime. It can be easily found over the internet and costs around $300.
The Taser C2 delivers a charge or electric current the moment it comes into direct contact with the attacker or the subject in question. The Taser C2 has a range of 15 feet and it can pierce through 2 inches of clothing. The range will help any woman to prepare and defend herself well in advance.
The Taser C2 is an electronically controlled device or ECD. The cartridge consists of two electrodes, which are propelled through the air with the help of two wires and compressed nitrogen. The electrodes pierce through the clothing and stick to the skin. Electrical pulses are transmitted through the wires to the electrodes and into the body of the attacker. The effect is stunning and the attacker will go into a shock. The effect will last long enough for you to flee from there or call for law enforcement agents. The Taser C2 can be fired to anywhere on the body and is non-lethal hence can be used extensively by women to thwart any attack.
Martial Arts
The last line of defense is Martial Arts, which combined with any of the above can prove to be a lethal combination. Martial Arts are not for everyone not because the training is difficult but because it is time consuming too. Martial art is considered to be a lethal force and you might end up killing your attacker. There are different types of martial art forms that can be learnt quickly like Judo, Karate, Taekwondo, and Tai Chi. Karate and Taekwondo are by far the most popular forms and can also cause severe injury to the attacker.
There are certain parts of the human body, which are prone to severe injuries like the face, forehead, neck, abdomen, and groin. You can hit a man or your attacker in the groin and the nose for maximum impact. The strongest weapons of a woman’s body include the head, elbow, and knees. Martial art will teach you to use these body parts effectively to disable or wound your opponent temporarily. A hit with the elbow to the nose will not only stun them but also give you enough time to get away.
The only drawback of Martial arts is that it is effective only in close combat situations but if your subject is fleeing away or is at a distance then the Taser and the Pepper Spray can prove to be highly effective.
Moving Beyond Your Divorce
There is no single more powerful stumbling block to moving beyond our divorce into a new life than the inability to accept our new reality. Acceptance is the hardest part of the divorce recovery process. Acceptance requires total honesty, courage and the willingness to let go of the life that we had...a life that no longer exists. Without that acceptance, we cannot move forward and create a new life.
How does one learn acceptance? Although it takes time and a good deal of inner work, it can be done. Here is a step-by-step guide to move you towards acceptance:
1) It’s about you, not them.
One of the most powerful lessons in life is the knowledge that we have control over one person and one person only…ourselves. If you are looking outside of yourself to move forward, you won’t. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. We have power over no one except ourselves. It is when we turn inward and do the work on ourselves that we will be able to effect dramatic and positive changes in our lives.
Being a victim means giving away all control and power. If I blame someone else for my situation, then I am powerless to do anything about it as I have chosen to absolve myself of any responsibility.
We can create changes that will make out lives better but not until we stop trying to change our ex or our current reality and we realize that it’s about us, not them.
2) Get support.
If you think you can do this all by yourself you may be in for a big surprise. Research consistently shows that getting support in any challenging endeavor leads to more success. Whether you choose a divorce support group, a therapist, a member of the clergy or a Life Coach, just do it.
If you are one of the those people who think that you have to handle life’s challenges on your own because somehow you equate support with weakness, get over it! Getting support is a sign of intelligence as far as I’m concerned as well as an indication that you really are serious about moving onward in life.
3) First, you must get through the initial stages of loss that includes denial, grief, anger, depression and whatever else you might be feeling early in the divorce process.
These emotions are all natural and necessary states that we need to experience. They are the norm versus the exception. Each one of these feelings needs to be embraced and experienced fully. There must be an ending before a new beginning.
There is a difference between fully experiencing an emotional stage and getting stuck in it. Beware excessive self-pity and real depression. Here is where support becomes important to your well-being and improvement.
4) Distinguish between facts and interpretations.
I cannot stress the importance of this step enough. People get stuck when they cannot face the facts and prefer to believe that their personal interpretations are reality.
You might be familiar with the exercise of the picture that has a hidden image within it. Ten people may come up with ten different interpretations of the picture. Some people will see the hidden image immediately and others will never see it until it is pointed out to them. Either way, the hidden picture exists. It is a fact.
You may feel that you have been mentally abused and yet your partner may feel that you are the one that is abusive. He said, she said. Probably a counselor will see a totally different picture altogether. You know, there’s your side, his side and then the truth.
Once you are truthful with yourself and can see the facts versus the drama or story of your divorce, you will be on your way to acceptance.
5) Be brutally honest and take responsibility for your marriage, divorce and life.
Those of us who can be totally honest with ourselves will receive the gift of a deep awareness of who and what we are along with the ability to accept our lives as they are without looking to blame someone else. Being honest allows us to see things that hadn’t existed for us before. The truth will indeed set you free. By setting aside our egos, we can look at our life for what it actually is versus a story about our divorce.
Once we have been honest and have embraced all the facts about our divorce, we are free to accept full responsibility for our lives. Responsibility is power and the freedom to choose what we want next in life. If we cannot take responsibility, we remain victims and victims absolve themselves of both their responsibility and therefore the power to control their own lives.
6) Learn the difference between what is and what you think should be.
If we are living in a netherland of what we think should be, we are completely cut off from reality or ‘what is’. If you think that you should not have to be experiencing divorce, then you cannot accept what is…that you are indeed getting divorced. You live in a world of your own.
We all create a list of should be’s that keep us stuck in the status quo: I should be happier, I should be getting more support, I shouldn’t have to work, and I should still be married. By concentrating on what we should be, we ignore what actually exists for us and remain stuck.
I think we should live in a world where peace is the predominant ethic but we don’t live in that world. That’s a dream I have. By acknowledging the world as it truly exists, I can make choices as to how I will live my life and also how to address the problems that do exist.
7) Consider the emotional wounds that you brought to the marriage.
Your ex may complain that you were not a warm person. I doubt that it was your marriage that created a cold person, if indeed that is what you are. We bring ourselves into our marriages and the parts of us that show up and create issues are the parts of us that we haven’t addressed yet. They are emotional wounds from somewhere in our past and they have a tendency to pop-up in our close relationships or when we are faced with challenging times.
Now is your chance to address those wounds and heal them so that you do not repeat your so-called mistakes again. Use your divorce as a catalyst to go inside and heal yourself.
8) Release toxic emotions.
Get rid of the debilitating toxic emotions that you are carrying around. Picture them as heavy baggage that keeps you stuck in your misery and produces a broken back. Anger, bitterness, hatred, resentment, rage…these are all toxic emotions that will harm you far more than your ex. You are the one who pays the price. You need to work through them and then release them because they will weigh you down for the rest of your life if you allow it.
Once you have done the work of truth versus interpretations and what is versus what should be, you will find it much easier to give up your anger and resentment. They do not serve you and you are learning to give away anything that does not serve you well.
9) Learn forgiveness for yourself and your mate.
You might not be able to practice forgiveness in the early stages of the journey to recovery but if you go through these other steps, you will be able to forigive your ex and more importantly, yourself. Forgiveness takes a big load off your shoulders. It releases energy that can be used for positive things.
Forgiveness does not necessarily mean you condone bad behavior, it simply means you forgive. If we separate the person from the behavior it becomes easier to forgive. You know that just because you sometimes say mean things it does not mean you are a bad person. Just a lapse in judgment. We are not necessarily our behavior. We know all the subconscious motivations that exist within every individual. If we look at the inner child within a person, forgiveness is a given.
10) Make conscious decisions; utilize free choice.
When you do the inner work of divorce recovery, you tend to attend to many things that have been left unresolved for years. You become more conscious of your actions and your choices. You become aware of the subconscious and how it can run your life. When you learn to observe the constant mind chatter that goes on inside your heads, you learn that the mind chatter is not us, its just chatter.
Making conscious decisions based in free choice means that we are not letting our mind chatter, our past, our emotional wounds or our interpretations of reality run the show. We take control of our lives. Conscious living allows for incredible freedom and the ability to create extraordinary changes.
And your bonus tip:
11) Find the gifts of your divorce.
Everything that occurs in our lives and everything that we are (warts and all) has a hidden gift. If you speak to someone who has survived divorce and has gone on to create a and vibrant life based upon their own passions and values, they will certainly tell you that their divorce was the best thing that happened to them. That may not be true for you but there is a gift waiting for you to find. My ex likes to say that he is responsible for my new career and to a certain extent he has played a part. Oftentimes it takes a good whack on the head to awaken us to life’s possibilities and our own happiness.
It’s the old adage: Every cloud has a silver lining. It is true. Search for the gifts of your divorce and it becomes yet another step toward a successful recovery from the trauma of divorce.
Successful divorce recovery takes inner work. Much like a flower, the work that has takes place underneath the surface of the ground, invisible to the human eye, is the crucial aspect. Without that subterranean work, there would be no flower. The reward of the flower is dependent upon the inner work of the seed and the root system. It is the same with humans. Do the inner work and you see the outer rewards.
How does one learn acceptance? Although it takes time and a good deal of inner work, it can be done. Here is a step-by-step guide to move you towards acceptance:
1) It’s about you, not them.
One of the most powerful lessons in life is the knowledge that we have control over one person and one person only…ourselves. If you are looking outside of yourself to move forward, you won’t. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. We have power over no one except ourselves. It is when we turn inward and do the work on ourselves that we will be able to effect dramatic and positive changes in our lives.
Being a victim means giving away all control and power. If I blame someone else for my situation, then I am powerless to do anything about it as I have chosen to absolve myself of any responsibility.
We can create changes that will make out lives better but not until we stop trying to change our ex or our current reality and we realize that it’s about us, not them.
2) Get support.
If you think you can do this all by yourself you may be in for a big surprise. Research consistently shows that getting support in any challenging endeavor leads to more success. Whether you choose a divorce support group, a therapist, a member of the clergy or a Life Coach, just do it.
If you are one of the those people who think that you have to handle life’s challenges on your own because somehow you equate support with weakness, get over it! Getting support is a sign of intelligence as far as I’m concerned as well as an indication that you really are serious about moving onward in life.
3) First, you must get through the initial stages of loss that includes denial, grief, anger, depression and whatever else you might be feeling early in the divorce process.
These emotions are all natural and necessary states that we need to experience. They are the norm versus the exception. Each one of these feelings needs to be embraced and experienced fully. There must be an ending before a new beginning.
There is a difference between fully experiencing an emotional stage and getting stuck in it. Beware excessive self-pity and real depression. Here is where support becomes important to your well-being and improvement.
4) Distinguish between facts and interpretations.
I cannot stress the importance of this step enough. People get stuck when they cannot face the facts and prefer to believe that their personal interpretations are reality.
You might be familiar with the exercise of the picture that has a hidden image within it. Ten people may come up with ten different interpretations of the picture. Some people will see the hidden image immediately and others will never see it until it is pointed out to them. Either way, the hidden picture exists. It is a fact.
You may feel that you have been mentally abused and yet your partner may feel that you are the one that is abusive. He said, she said. Probably a counselor will see a totally different picture altogether. You know, there’s your side, his side and then the truth.
Once you are truthful with yourself and can see the facts versus the drama or story of your divorce, you will be on your way to acceptance.
5) Be brutally honest and take responsibility for your marriage, divorce and life.
Those of us who can be totally honest with ourselves will receive the gift of a deep awareness of who and what we are along with the ability to accept our lives as they are without looking to blame someone else. Being honest allows us to see things that hadn’t existed for us before. The truth will indeed set you free. By setting aside our egos, we can look at our life for what it actually is versus a story about our divorce.
Once we have been honest and have embraced all the facts about our divorce, we are free to accept full responsibility for our lives. Responsibility is power and the freedom to choose what we want next in life. If we cannot take responsibility, we remain victims and victims absolve themselves of both their responsibility and therefore the power to control their own lives.
6) Learn the difference between what is and what you think should be.
If we are living in a netherland of what we think should be, we are completely cut off from reality or ‘what is’. If you think that you should not have to be experiencing divorce, then you cannot accept what is…that you are indeed getting divorced. You live in a world of your own.
We all create a list of should be’s that keep us stuck in the status quo: I should be happier, I should be getting more support, I shouldn’t have to work, and I should still be married. By concentrating on what we should be, we ignore what actually exists for us and remain stuck.
I think we should live in a world where peace is the predominant ethic but we don’t live in that world. That’s a dream I have. By acknowledging the world as it truly exists, I can make choices as to how I will live my life and also how to address the problems that do exist.
7) Consider the emotional wounds that you brought to the marriage.
Your ex may complain that you were not a warm person. I doubt that it was your marriage that created a cold person, if indeed that is what you are. We bring ourselves into our marriages and the parts of us that show up and create issues are the parts of us that we haven’t addressed yet. They are emotional wounds from somewhere in our past and they have a tendency to pop-up in our close relationships or when we are faced with challenging times.
Now is your chance to address those wounds and heal them so that you do not repeat your so-called mistakes again. Use your divorce as a catalyst to go inside and heal yourself.
8) Release toxic emotions.
Get rid of the debilitating toxic emotions that you are carrying around. Picture them as heavy baggage that keeps you stuck in your misery and produces a broken back. Anger, bitterness, hatred, resentment, rage…these are all toxic emotions that will harm you far more than your ex. You are the one who pays the price. You need to work through them and then release them because they will weigh you down for the rest of your life if you allow it.
Once you have done the work of truth versus interpretations and what is versus what should be, you will find it much easier to give up your anger and resentment. They do not serve you and you are learning to give away anything that does not serve you well.
9) Learn forgiveness for yourself and your mate.
You might not be able to practice forgiveness in the early stages of the journey to recovery but if you go through these other steps, you will be able to forigive your ex and more importantly, yourself. Forgiveness takes a big load off your shoulders. It releases energy that can be used for positive things.
Forgiveness does not necessarily mean you condone bad behavior, it simply means you forgive. If we separate the person from the behavior it becomes easier to forgive. You know that just because you sometimes say mean things it does not mean you are a bad person. Just a lapse in judgment. We are not necessarily our behavior. We know all the subconscious motivations that exist within every individual. If we look at the inner child within a person, forgiveness is a given.
10) Make conscious decisions; utilize free choice.
When you do the inner work of divorce recovery, you tend to attend to many things that have been left unresolved for years. You become more conscious of your actions and your choices. You become aware of the subconscious and how it can run your life. When you learn to observe the constant mind chatter that goes on inside your heads, you learn that the mind chatter is not us, its just chatter.
Making conscious decisions based in free choice means that we are not letting our mind chatter, our past, our emotional wounds or our interpretations of reality run the show. We take control of our lives. Conscious living allows for incredible freedom and the ability to create extraordinary changes.
And your bonus tip:
11) Find the gifts of your divorce.
Everything that occurs in our lives and everything that we are (warts and all) has a hidden gift. If you speak to someone who has survived divorce and has gone on to create a and vibrant life based upon their own passions and values, they will certainly tell you that their divorce was the best thing that happened to them. That may not be true for you but there is a gift waiting for you to find. My ex likes to say that he is responsible for my new career and to a certain extent he has played a part. Oftentimes it takes a good whack on the head to awaken us to life’s possibilities and our own happiness.
It’s the old adage: Every cloud has a silver lining. It is true. Search for the gifts of your divorce and it becomes yet another step toward a successful recovery from the trauma of divorce.
Successful divorce recovery takes inner work. Much like a flower, the work that has takes place underneath the surface of the ground, invisible to the human eye, is the crucial aspect. Without that subterranean work, there would be no flower. The reward of the flower is dependent upon the inner work of the seed and the root system. It is the same with humans. Do the inner work and you see the outer rewards.
Summer Camp Shows Kids All About Commitment
One of the 8 Keys of Excellence kids 9-19 learn about at SuperCamp, the life skills and academic summer camp, is Commitment. Commitment is about doing whatever it takes, following your vision without wavering. When you do this, you literally can change the world.
Anyone who has ever succeeded at something difficult did so by being completely committed to the goal. Commitment is the breath-taking moment of making a decision, jumping in, and going forward with gusto. It's the magic moment when all hesitation and ineffectiveness are left behind. The decisive act of making a commitment sets into motion an energy field of action to propel you forward.
Where does your commitment lie! What excites you and spurs you to action? When was a time you were highly committed, and what were the results?
To harness the power of commitment, think about what you love passionately enough to give it all you’ve got—then give it. Commitment can spring from anything that inspires strong feeling. It can be motivated by a deeply felt aspiration, a strongly held principle, or the desire to make a difference in people’s lives.
Commitment comes down to a simple moment of decision: Will you, or will you not, do whatever it takes?
Once you’ve made the decision to follow your passion no matter what, your commitment carries you through. It’s the “no matter what” part that holds all the power. You’re locked into staying the course. You may feel discouraged, even hopeless. You may lose all your confidence in yourself. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. You’ve vowed to go on trying no matter what. Circumstances become irrelevant in the face of commitment.
Whatever it is that inspires you, give yourself permission to lose yourself utterly in what you love and you’ll have no choice but to commit. Simply let your passion take over and you will harness the titanic strength of commitment.
Commitment is all about that moment when there’s no turning back—the magic that results when you’re truly committed. It’s a mind-set where there are no other options. There are no more debates, no mind-games, no procrastination. There is only action, single-minded, focused, and pure. That commitment wields a mighty power and brings with it an intense joy.
One thing to remember here is that "I'll try" doesn't work! You may get up enough courage to go for it, but you haven’t really made a commitment if you tell yourself, “Well, I’ll try.” You’re not committed to doing whatever it takes to succeed. In fact, you’ve given yourself an out. Now, when you fall short of the mark, you can say, “Well, I tried.” When you’re not committed, you leave a crack open for hesitation. Hesitation leaks energy. Energy leaks reduce the chance of success.
To the uncommitted, the committed look strangely fortunate. Happy circumstances just seem to land in their laps. They seem, almost uncannily, to meet the people they need to know and find the opportunities they need. They see solutions where others only see obstacles. But the committed will tell you it’s not because they view things differently than the non-committed; it’s because they never stop looking for a way to make their dreams happen.
That’s the primary characteristic of committed people: They’re driven by their dreams.
Affirmations for COMMITMENT:
• I have a clear vision and I stay true to it.
• I do whatever it takes to get the job done.
• I can be counted on to keep my word.
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
Anyone who has ever succeeded at something difficult did so by being completely committed to the goal. Commitment is the breath-taking moment of making a decision, jumping in, and going forward with gusto. It's the magic moment when all hesitation and ineffectiveness are left behind. The decisive act of making a commitment sets into motion an energy field of action to propel you forward.
Where does your commitment lie! What excites you and spurs you to action? When was a time you were highly committed, and what were the results?
To harness the power of commitment, think about what you love passionately enough to give it all you’ve got—then give it. Commitment can spring from anything that inspires strong feeling. It can be motivated by a deeply felt aspiration, a strongly held principle, or the desire to make a difference in people’s lives.
Commitment comes down to a simple moment of decision: Will you, or will you not, do whatever it takes?
Once you’ve made the decision to follow your passion no matter what, your commitment carries you through. It’s the “no matter what” part that holds all the power. You’re locked into staying the course. You may feel discouraged, even hopeless. You may lose all your confidence in yourself. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. You’ve vowed to go on trying no matter what. Circumstances become irrelevant in the face of commitment.
Whatever it is that inspires you, give yourself permission to lose yourself utterly in what you love and you’ll have no choice but to commit. Simply let your passion take over and you will harness the titanic strength of commitment.
Commitment is all about that moment when there’s no turning back—the magic that results when you’re truly committed. It’s a mind-set where there are no other options. There are no more debates, no mind-games, no procrastination. There is only action, single-minded, focused, and pure. That commitment wields a mighty power and brings with it an intense joy.
One thing to remember here is that "I'll try" doesn't work! You may get up enough courage to go for it, but you haven’t really made a commitment if you tell yourself, “Well, I’ll try.” You’re not committed to doing whatever it takes to succeed. In fact, you’ve given yourself an out. Now, when you fall short of the mark, you can say, “Well, I tried.” When you’re not committed, you leave a crack open for hesitation. Hesitation leaks energy. Energy leaks reduce the chance of success.
To the uncommitted, the committed look strangely fortunate. Happy circumstances just seem to land in their laps. They seem, almost uncannily, to meet the people they need to know and find the opportunities they need. They see solutions where others only see obstacles. But the committed will tell you it’s not because they view things differently than the non-committed; it’s because they never stop looking for a way to make their dreams happen.
That’s the primary characteristic of committed people: They’re driven by their dreams.
Affirmations for COMMITMENT:
• I have a clear vision and I stay true to it.
• I do whatever it takes to get the job done.
• I can be counted on to keep my word.
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
Apple and HP, India and U.S. Among Leaders of Green IT Movement
AUSTIN, Texas -- It is telling, perhaps, that Google, a company that markets no green IT products and is well known for its voracious energy and materials appetite, ranks in the top ten of a recent survey looking at IT buyers' perceptions of green technology companies.
The survey is part of the first-ever GreenFactor study, which looks at the state of green IT in enterprises around the globe and identifies trends from the consumer, marketing and procurement angles that are driving the growth of green IT.
Although Google is a notable anomaly in the survey results for greenest brands, the report's authors note that the top seven companies named by respondents are in a virtual tie for first place -- as a result, there is not one clear green leader, and the market is open to all comers.
Responses by country also vary significantly: India leads the world in IT decision-makers that place a high value on purchasing the most environmentally beneficial products possible, while nearly one-quarter of German respondents said that buying those products had no real impact on the environment.
The vast range of responses underline the challenges facing the still-developing green IT market. One notable positive result from the study, however, is that more than 70 percent of the respondents said they would probably or definitely place a higher emphasis on buying green, as long as the benefits to the environment and the financial bottom line were proven.
All in all, a perceived cost barrier or premium to buying more energy efficient products remains the biggest obstacle to more widespread adoption. The report urges marketers to better emphasize the reduction in total cost of ownership in considering the green messages for new and existing products.
Among the companies that have succeeded thus far in their green marketing strategies are Apple, HP, Microsoft, IBM, Intel, Sony and Dell. Those seven businesses were cited as the ones most associated with green technologies. Although four companies -- SAP, Alcatel-Lucent, Nortel and EMC -- lagged globally on their green perception, it's important to note that regional differences play up just how indeterminate these results are. Although HP, Dell, IBM and Apple were top-ranked in the U.S., U.K. respondents ranked Apple, Dell and Sony as the greenest, and in Japan the local manufacturers were, perhaps unsurprisingly, ranked highest: Fujitsu, Sony, Toshiba and NEC far outstripped the competition in that country.
Given the vast majority of respondents' answers, however, it looks like the next year will see a boom in purchases of most green hardware, though not all: the survey found 74 percent of purchasers saying they were probably or definitely going to seek out green versions of laptops, and 72 percent would do so for desktop computers. Servers, storage and network hardware all clocked in at around 63 percent of respondents looking to purchase green products in those lines next year.
Finally, the results of the study show distinct differences in openness to green products depending on where in the company a respondent sits. CIOs, at 48 percent, were by far the most likely to say they were definitely going to increase their green IT purchases; only 39 percent of all other c-suite positions said the same thing, while IT managers and business managers hovered around 37 percent willingness to buy green hardware products.
Online Dating-The Secret To Finding The Love Of Your Life Online
That is the goal of every online single! We all want to find the love of our life!
Never give up, because it is possible and it is happening every single day!
The secret to finding the love of your life online is knowing exactly what you want. We can’t go into online dating without knowing exactly the type of person the love of our life is. We need to know what they are like inside and outside!
In my case I am 6’ tall. The love of my life must be over 6’ tall. I am full figured and really slim men make me feel larger than I want to feel! I am a very involved with the church, so I wouldn’t get along too well with an atheist. These are things that must be shared from the very beginning! If I have developed feelings for someone, then discovered they were only 5’6”, we’re going to have a problem!
Things that are the most important to me have to be “cleared” from the very beginning. That way I can save myself and others a lot of time.
And the singles that are online to sincerely find the love of their life appreciate when someone clearly says; “thanks for your interest, but I am sure someone else would be better suited for you than me.”
The secret to finding the love of your life is to be completely honest about who you are and who you are looking for!
Never give up, because it is possible and it is happening every single day!
The secret to finding the love of your life online is knowing exactly what you want. We can’t go into online dating without knowing exactly the type of person the love of our life is. We need to know what they are like inside and outside!
In my case I am 6’ tall. The love of my life must be over 6’ tall. I am full figured and really slim men make me feel larger than I want to feel! I am a very involved with the church, so I wouldn’t get along too well with an atheist. These are things that must be shared from the very beginning! If I have developed feelings for someone, then discovered they were only 5’6”, we’re going to have a problem!
Things that are the most important to me have to be “cleared” from the very beginning. That way I can save myself and others a lot of time.
And the singles that are online to sincerely find the love of their life appreciate when someone clearly says; “thanks for your interest, but I am sure someone else would be better suited for you than me.”
The secret to finding the love of your life is to be completely honest about who you are and who you are looking for!
Pepsi Picks Redemtech to Handle its E-Waste
COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Pepsi announced this month that it has selected Redemtech, the Columbus, Ohio-based asset management company, to reuse and recycle all of Pepsi's electronic waste products.
The company announced several goals for the contract: in addition to properly disposing of all of Pepsi's electronic assets, Redemtech will ensure that 100 percent of the e-waste is recycled, sending no waste to landfill, exporting none of the waste, and guarantee that none of the waste is processed using prison labor. In the process, Redemtech will also comply with all legal and environmental regulations, measure the success of the ewaste program, thereby boosting the ROI of Pepsi's original investment in these products.
“With e-waste becoming an increasingly important environmental issue, more companies today are realizing they can be part of the solution rather than the problem,” said Redemtech's CEO, Robert Houghton. “The Pepsi Bottling Group has demonstrated a serious commitment to promoting environmental sustainability throughout its business, and we are excited to be partnering with them as the company’s single-source asset disposition provider.”
As is standard for Redemtech's operations, the company will first determine which of Pepsi's assets are suitable for refurbishing and reselling, and the remaining parts will be recycled in the most environmentally friendly ways in the U.S. and Canada.
The new contract is part of Pepsi's overall environmental strategy; in addition to recycling and reusing as much of its electronics as possible, Pepsi is working to reduce its resource use, improve the recyclability of its products, reduce its water use, and has been recognized as a leader in purchasing green power.
Earlier in 2008, Redemtech launched Pepsi's first-ever employee ewaste recycling day, during which the company's employees brought in almost 4,000 pounds of used electronics -- nearly 70 percent of which Redemtech was able to refurbish and resell.
For more from Redemtech, read Robert Houghton's June 2008 article on GreenerComputing: Sustainable IT: the Many Shades of Green.
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